Quotable quotes by climbers

[DiabolicDassie]

This comes from an 8 year old client after showing him how to make a rethreaded figure 8 in his harness, so after the explanation of following the the rope and the shape the final knot represents ect. I ask him if he can see why we call it a figure 8 knot. Answer " Because you have to figure out where the rope goes!" Couldn't argue with that

[Forket]

Earlier today in the boulder cave while alex was trying a cut-loose move:

Alex: "sorry"

Lize: "its ok"

Alex: "if you dont move im going to kick you in the face"

[Justin]

"Damn I'd like to be able to go up to Heaven today... but I can't, got too much work to do!"

[acaciaproject]

"Dude, why are your hands yellow??"

Half way up Mashai Pass this last weekend after the recent heavy snowfalls, things were getting desperate... cold, constant spindrift, howling wind and repeatedly falling thru the crust into chest deep snow all the while sans crampons..... So cold that my pal's hands froze up and he did the ultimate sacrifice of his ego for the continued good of his extremities.... He pissed on his hands to warm them up!!!!

[Gustav]

Over the weekend at a crag in Boven a young student was climbing next to her male friend. His weight around 115kg, sporting a cute fluffy pink & white chalkbag.

She looks accross and says: "Your chalkbag makes me crave marshmallows."

[McRockRat]

You know you are climbing when you hear
" Just put your left foot where your left hand is "

[Justin]

Bivouac: French for “Mistake”

[Faffy001]

"Man I loving feeling Jugs" - Said by matt at the Wolwerivier crag
"Jaaa, I prefer feeling cracks though" - reply by his friend Greg

The rest of us:

U had to be there

[Johanm]

One climb, 2 quotes;

"Screw that, I'm gonna do a krimpvarkie, I've got my helmet on". (Hedgehog)

Very hungover we decided to do some easy grade climbing in Paarl and went up Skywalk. We do most of our climbing in Paarl. After struggling to lead the second pitch (Grade 15 Sandbagged or just the Hangover working it's magic.) I got my very freaked out Brother up to the belay station. He faced a +-35 meter, grade 11, pitch 3 with a lot of moss on it. Only 2 bolts. We hanged there for about 20 minutes before he got the courage to start climbing. I saw a lot of rust on the bolts going up and began my whole safety speech I give all my climbing partners when I'm stressed. I reminded him to do a rundown if he falls and then he said "Screw that, I'm gonna do a krimpvarkie, I've got my helmet on". Foetus position and roll!!

"Dude, there's no more rope!!!" Yelled in full panic.

I missed the top anchor on pitch 7 and ran out of rope first time in my life when I gunned for the trig beacon. Bad downclimb while you search for anchors you did not see going up!! (easy grade though) Moved to Jo'burg 4 weeks ago. Missing Paarl. Don't take Sandstone for Granite!!

[Justin]

"We'll start with Earth and bolt the other planets later" Todd Skinner

After a very dismal attempt on a route yesterday, I declared that "I suck" Roger Nattrass spelled it out for me... "You have to suck more to suck less"

[illona]

Ah, Roger is full of quotable quotes - my favourite is "If you don't climb, you die. Fact."

[brianweaver]

Warren: There's nothing worse than the pinging sound of gear ripping.
Brian: What about the deafening thud of the person hitting the ground?
Warren: Yeah that one is a bit worse...

This is the conversation we had yesterday after I decked from 8m up on my attempted onsight of Witless (25) in Boven. I ripped three cams and they saved me...

[GavinP]

Some years back I was whimpering in a dodgey position some 10 m up at Craiglea with only a suspect micro between me and a ground fall. Gavin Raubenheimer, belying casually from below called up, "Are you looking for sympathy?" After receiving a positive response he came out with the classic, "Well, go and look in a dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis". It became a standard part of our repartee although, after the initial occasion, it was only necessary to ask, "Are you looking for sympathy? - the rest was taken as understood! I eventually topped out via a massive hornets nest, but thereby hangs another long and interesting tale!

[dirktalma]

This weekend at Tonquani:
"Hey Alex! Why has your belayer got all your gear?"
"Cause I'm slinging trees."
- Alex Bester heading up the first 2 pitches of Red Column Face (19)

[Justin]

Every one climbs hard, it’s just the grade that differs.
Unknown

[vander]

"When spooning, there should be no trepidation."
"I can highly recommend Dark Horse. He's a great spooning partner. We've had lots of practice"

Some classic lines from Hilton Davies while discussing the etiquette of spooning in the mountains.

[Justin]

Overheard at the Palace on Sunday "There is a handy Knee Bar about a foot up" (Douw offering beta

[shedlon24]

The three attributes of a good climber:
- high pain threshold
- bad memory
- and I've forgotten the third

[CraigBurden]

"Insert move/grip style here the shit out of it" - Jahne Theron (All the time)
Example: "Crimp the shit out of it"

"Top Rope. Top Rope. Top Rope. Top Rope. Top Rope. Top Rope." - Pete Wittaker (In the movie Grit Kids)

"The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun." - Alex Lowe

"Sweet potatoes" - Me (All the time)

"Tssssaaaaaaaaaaa" - Chris Sharma (All the time)

********** Totally not Climbing related (But they can be if you want) **********

"There is no spoon" - Kevin Van Zly (My Science Teacher when explaining the fact that the stuff we think is solid is in fact 99.9999999999999% NOTHING)

"Don't take life too seriously, You'll never get out alive" - Unknown

"People say life is short, false, its the longest thing you do" - Dwight Schrute (The Office)

[brianweaver]

"Hey, that looks like a Beal rope" -- Warren Gans about Brian's Beal rope, in the Beal rope bag

"That also looks like a Beal ro... errm" Warren Gans, five minutes later about the other rope...

[Justin]

"It was like being in a washing machine"

Daniel Rossetto, mountain guide, describing an avalanche on Mont Maudit in the French Alps that killed nine people and injured 14 others.

[Ghaznavid]

"I don't have any friends, and my nuts are too small."

"I just bought a complete set of climbing gear on ebay; it comes with a lifetime warranty..."

"— You guys going up ?
— Yes, yes, we go up
— You may be going a lot higher than you think !" — Don Whillans, to a Japanese party, while retreating off the north face of Eiger in a storm.

"Found the following in a local post by someone describing what they look for in a resume when hiring a person for a computer programming job: Flowery action words can't hide a lack of accomplishment in life. I like it when someone lists things like 'mountain climbing' in their resume, because it means he's geeky enough to feel it's necessary to prove that he's not a geek, yet not so geeky that he's anal retentive."

#stolen from http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/QuotesClimbing.html

[Ghaznavid]

"If it is a shame to be the second man on Mount Everest, then I will have to live with this shame." — Tenzing Norgay.

"Maybe Himalayan climbing is just a bad habit, like smoking, of which one says with cavalier abandon, 'must give this up some day, before it kills me." — Greg Child.

"From Everest Base Camp, you can walk four hours and you're lounging on grass, drinking beer with trekkers. K2 stands absolutely on its own. The approach is hard. The base camp feels like the moon. The mountain itself looks utterly impregnable, and there's no easy way up the thing. And all this hits you between the eyes when you see it for the first time. It's like that famous Munch painting. You know the one — The Scream — Except, of course, you're the one doing the screaming." — Jim Curran.

[Justin]

“Do you want me to diddle my nips, too? Photographers love it when you stimulate your nipples.”
Alex Honnold

From an interview that he did with Esquire magazine (great interview too)

[Ghaznavid]

Thanks for the article very interesting!

I like that quote at the end: “You see?” he says. “Not everything in my life is super-intense. Sometimes I just do these boring photo shoots all day. I swear a lot of the aura around my life is .... that people project onto it. The truth is way less exciting. Your article should say, ‘I met this dude, he’s totally mellow and he trains real hard and climbs quite well. The end. Oh and dude, can I get a quick shower in your room, and charge my laptop?”




"Alex Honnold thinks El Cap is a boulder - why else would he climb it without ropes!"

[Gustav]

I drove down to the Junkyard (a climbing area here in 'Boven) last night just after sunset to pick up Brian Weaver and Yvette van der Merwe from the crag. Brian gave me the rundown of how the trad route he is working went and then simply said:

"I left my two nuts in the bottom crack tonight."

A moment of silence passed before we all cracked up in stitches...

[Justin]

"It's too hard to let go"

Clinton Martinengo discussing retirement from climbing with Steve Bradshaw Snr.

[Ghaznavid]

"free climbing can be rather costly"

"plan like a pessimist, live like an optimist"

[mullet]

"I don't need a cheat stick, I am a cheat stick!"

Clinton's response when asked why he doesn't have his cheat stick with him before heading out to work some hard routes with the Professor and I.

[Justin]

"We accept what we do is dangerous but we want to see everyone walk away safely. One hundred percent of people who drink bottled water die.
Life is a risk. If you accept that you will die you get on with living. Base jumpers focus on the positive."
Chris "Douggs" McDougall

103 base jumpers leap off Malaysia's KL Tower